In
2021, International Women’s Day on March 8, celebrated the social, economic,
cultural and political achievements of women across the globe in the theme
#ChooseToChallenge.
 |
| Grandmother, Mak Cheng Hai [Right] with her mother, Fong Ai Leen |
Among
the many influences that shaped my life were the sacrifices and commitment of several
wonderful women, significant among them were my mother, grandmother, and
great-grandmother.
To
share all that they have accomplished would fill several volumes so here are
just a few that reflect their hearts, as examples for us to emulate.
When
we were children, my two older sisters and I – daughters of grandmother’s
eldest daughter – had the privilege of knowing our great-grandmother.
Because
she wore her hair in a small bun and dressed in somber colours, I thought she was
such an old woman. I believe it was probably her hard life which aged her.
In those days it was the norm for young ladies from
good families to have a child companion or playmate who would grow up with her
as her personal maid. This was how we knew that our great-grandmother, Fong Ai
Leen, was from a wealthy family.
With their origins from Taishan county in the
Guangdong province, China, senior family members spoke in the Seiyap dialect
and referred to elder sisters as Ah Tei.
Great-grandmother’s companion-personal maid was Kok
Soi Heong, fondly called Cheong Kiang Tei, a nickname given her because
she had quite a long neck and cheong kiang in Cantonese means,
long neck.
When great-grandmother married Mak Chor Kun, better
known as Mak Puan, she released her companion-maid to marry and have a family
of her own.
Having lived together as family for so long, Cheong
Kiang Tei was like a family member to us. We stayed in close touch even
after she married, had a family and a few grandchildren.
In that era, opium-smoking was a Government
controlled business to earn much-needed revenue for the developing state of
Johor and great-grandfather Mak operated a licensed opium business.
While great-grandmother started out with a good
marriage, her husband’s habit of indulging in opium, drained the family
resources and they ended up being poor.
When
great-grandfather passed away suddenly, it left great-grandmother a penniless
widow with their surviving children.
They were Mak Cheng
Hai, her eldest who was our grandmother, two sons, Mak Kim Hong and Mak Kim
Chew and youngest daughter, Mak Fong Sim.
Already a widow
with her own children, great-grandmother had a heart big enough to love yet
another child, born to parents who could not look after him.
When
great-grandmother adopted this infant as her youngest son, it was during the
Japanese invasion in World War Two and the family had to flee into hiding
within the jungles to escape the cruel massacre that targeted the Chinese.
As the enemy was
seeking out to annihilate the Chinese, the few families who were hiding
together in the jungle lived in abject fear, especially at night when marauding
soldiers could pounce on unsuspecting victims.
Among the children
in this group, great-grandmother’s infant child was the cry-baby who could not
be easily pacified. This posed a real risk to the group because his constant crying
could lead the soldiers to them and have everyone killed.
One unforgettable
night, the group’s look-out warned of approaching soldiers and everyone had to
keep silent to avoid being discovered.
Fearing for their
lives, everyone hushed-up except for this innocent infant who chose to cry at
that very moment.
Because his crying
placed everyone at risk of certain death, someone in the group threatened to
strangle the infant to silence him.
I can only imagine
the anguish any mother would feel when faced with such challenging
circumstances.
Great-grandmother
must have fought hard to ensure that her beloved child was unharmed not only by
threatening soldiers but also from within their own group.
Thankfully, the
tense moments passed without incident and this cry-baby infant was spared from
being strangled to death. When the war was over, he continued to thrive in the
loving care of great-grandmother and grew up to be a fine young man.
He is now retired
after a career with the Government service, with a family of his own and many
grandchildren.
The saga of strong
women in our extended family continues in two sisters of Mak Puan who became
the fourth (Ah Niong) and fifth (Ah Nai) wives of Wong Kwong Yam, the patriarch
of the Wong family in Johor Baru.
Wealthy and influential towkays like
Kwong Yam could have their pick of any number of wives and concubines.
Kwong Yam was the son
of Wong’s only brother, Wing Kee, who died young. In the pioneering era, Johor
builder and entrepreneur, Wong Ah Fook had his only nephew, Kwong Yam, brought
to Malaya to look after his businesses here.
Educated in a Malay
school and conversant in the Malay language, he was known locally as Towkay Ah
Yam or Tow Kah Yim, in the Seiyap dialect.
His first two wives,
however, did not produce any male offspring and because it was important to
have sons to run the family business, Wong Ah Fook’s wife helped to arrange for
Kwong Yam’s next marriage – his third.
I learnt that it
was a Chinese belief that after a family adopted a son, it would enhance their
chances for fathering a male offspring of their own.
So after eldest
son, Wong Cheong Meng, came into the family, this somehow kicked off the bearing
of male offspring including Wong Peng Nam, Wong Peng Tong, Wong Peng Yee, Wong
Peng Soon, Wong Peng Long and Wong Peng Kow.
In fact, after
Kwong Yam had married his fourth and fifth wives, his third wife eventually
produced a son, Wong Peng Tong.
So, with five wives and 17 children, Towkay Ah Yam
had a huge family who lived together at Jalan Ah Siang.
 |
| 51st Birthday celebration for Mrs Mak Kim Hong nee Wan Yoke Mui [3rd from Right], our grandmother Mak Cheng Hai [Far Right], Kok Soi Heong AKA Cheong Kiang Tei [2nd from Right], grandmother's cousin Mak Foong Oi [Far Left], grandmother's youngest sister, Mak Foong Sim [2nd from Left] and great-grandmother's sister Fong May Yoong [3rd from Left]. Photo taken in 1977. |
My sisters and I are familiar with members of the extended family from the Wong clan because some often visited our grandmother whom they addressed as Piu Koo.
They also often came
to watch grandfather while he trained budding badminton players at the Ng
family home in Jalan Ngee Heng.
We would reciprocate
by sending grandmother over to their home at Jalan Chantum off Jalan Waterworks
(now Jalan Sungai Chat) to chit-chat with her cousin, Mrs Goh nee Wong
Sweet Wah fondly called Lin Tai, whom we respectfully addressed as Sam Yee Mah
and to the children, she was Sam Yee Poh.
She was the daughter
of Kwong Yam by his third wife, and I remember her as a gentle lady with
a sense of humour.
Speaking of Yee
Poh there was another lady in our family whom we addressed as Yee Poh. Grandmother
called her, Siew Moi in the Seiyap dialect while my mother addressed her
as, Siew Moi Yee. (Ah Yee is the title to address an Aunt.)
I later learnt that
this Yee Poh was not a blood relation but a former maid with the Wong family
who became as close as a sister to grandmother.
She was Foochow but
could speak Seiyap, which she probably learnt from living with the Wong family,
and I used to listen, fascinated by the undulating intonations in this dialect,
during conversations between her and grandmother.
Yee Poh was married
to a man (I later learnt) who also had a wife and family in China, and they too
had a family here.
When Yee Poh
delivered a stillbirth, she was devastated. But her sorrow turned to joy when a fellow Foochow friend
who delivered a baby girl at about the same time, let her adopt this child whom
Yee Poh brought up as her own.
I am familiar with
Yee Poh because while I was a pre-schooler, our ma jie had to retire due
to advancing age and Yee Poh came to our family as a domestic helper for a
while. (A ma jie is from the Chinese sisterhood of domestic helpers.)
While the British
were in Johor, Yee Poh also worked with English families and this was how she
picked up a smattering of the English language.
After she had retired
from work, Yee Poh and grandmother went on holiday abroad with grandmother’s
close friend who shared the same surname, Mak Kwai Sim.
They had an
exciting and memorable trip, and it was Yee Poh’s ability to speak simple
English that helped this trio of Golden Girls to enjoy a more comfortable hotel
stay.
 |
| 70th Birthday Celebration for grandmother, Mak Cheng Hai [3rd from Right] with the Golden Girls [Left to Right] Mrs Wong Cheong Meng nee Mary Leong Yuet Keng, Fong May Yoong, Mrs Goh nee Wong Sueet Wah AKA Lin Tai, grandmother, Kok Soi Heong and Siew Moi. |
This brings me to
our grandmother who lived a long and eventful life and passed on in 2015 at the
ripe old age of 103.
To commemorate her
100th birthday in 2015, I published a piece in the New Sunday Times on grandmother
dubbed, The Real Champion, because although she was the mother to
national and international badminton champions, she was an amazing woman in her
own right.
As a tribute to our
late grandmother, this piece was also published in my 2017 MPH Non-Fiction
Bestseller, My Johor Stories: True Tales, Real People, Rich Heritage.
 |
| Grandmother, Mak Cheng Hai [Seated] with her lovely daughters [L to R] Sylvia Ng, Lily Ng, Lucy Ng, Annie Ng and Polly Ng. |
Having
lived through the World War Two and successfully brought up 11 children of her
own – five daughters and six sons – grandmother had enough experience to
nurture a bunch of active grandchildren who lived with her.
Using
her loud voice, which rivalled any megaphone, she could summon anyone with a
shout that echoed through the double-storey bungalow.
The
culprit who caused grandmother to use this tone of voice should justifiably be
cowering in fear because she never hesitated to discipline with harsh words
(Read: Chinese expletives) and raising her hand or using the cane.
Because
of her stereophonic voice, our nickname for grandmother was aptly Stereo!
But
grandmother’s bark was worse than her bite. She was a strong person with a kind
heart and always wanted the best for the younger generation.
When
her nephew from the Mak family was leaving for studies abroad, I distinctly remember
her wise words of advice and encouragement to him with a reminder to gain more
pride for the Mak family by achieving all that he set out to do. (And he did!)
After
grandfather passed on in 1980, grandmother was the family matriarch, loved and
honoured with much respect for her wise counsel and sound advice.
 |
| Grandmother's 70th Birthday celebration with her grandchildren in 1992 |
I have a special bond with grandmother because in her twilight years, she lived
with our family for almost 20 years. As she advanced in age, my parents – her
eldest daughter and son-in-law – and me, worked as a team to care for her.
Widowed and with
all her children married and living away, she often felt lonely and insecure.
She confided that as she mellowed with age, she had also lost her courage.
To emphasize the
stark contrast to how she was when she was younger, grandmother used a
Cantonese phrase, “Low foo tow tah sey,” that described her strength and
skills to even ‘wrestle a tiger to its death.’
Grandmother was a
fountain of information and she enjoyed talking. And when she talked, I
listened.
These chats with
her were how I learned a great deal about the people in the extended family and
the events that happened, set in a background of a developing Johor after World
War Two.
All this
information, safely stored in my heart and mind, were put to good use when I
shared them in My Johor Stories, a collection of true tales filled with real
people and familiar places that readers could readily identify with because it
documented a slice of our local history.
As our parents had also
advanced in age, the reins for the caring of grandmother were passed to mum’s fourth
sister, Aunty Polly and her husband Uncle Steven, who cared for grandmother
with the support of Aunty Sylvia and her husband Uncle Mok, for eight years
until she passed.
 |
| The Ng sister [Right to Left] in 2000, Lucy, Lily, Annie, Polly and Sylvia |
Her
brother was born with epilepsy, a condition that required close attention
because an epileptic seizure could be triggered off unprovoked and he would go
into convulsions that could lead to choking and death.
To
look after him, grandmother relinquished most of her homemaker responsibilities
to my mother, then a teenager, who took over the domestic duties at home.
It
was just days before her exam when my mother was then allowed to return to
school. Aware that she had missed out on her studies for too long, she felt
that it was unwise to sit for an exam that would almost certainly turn out poor
results.
Knowing
that she was much needed at home, my mother decided to drop out of school to
shoulder the responsibilities at home so that grandmother could focus her
attention on caring for her epileptic son.
While
it was a challenging time for everyone, it was a great relieve when her brother
grew out of his epilepsy and my mother was finally freed from her responsibilities
at home.
Her
application to the Johor Baru General Hospital to train as a nurse was accepted
and she did well by qualifying as a Midwife in 1953.
Even
with her few years of formal school, the British education system was so good
that it equipped my mother with sufficient skills not only to read, write and
count but also to study and qualify as a Midwife.
On
International Women’s Day 2021, this brief sharing about the strong women in
great-grandmother, grandmother and my mother, are but the tip of the proverbial
iceberg, among the many wonderful women with a selfless attitude in our family.
I
trust this will inspire and encourage all of us – both men and women – to
strive on in our various roles within the extended family and build upon the
bonds that were established among the Mak, Wong and Ng clans, from now into the
next generations and beyond.
. . .
Important Note: It is easy to remember March 11, 2011, because on
this date, a massive earthquake of 9.0 magnitude triggered off a tsunami that resulted
in a nuclear disaster in Fukushima Daiichi, Japan.
Unaware
that this was happening in Japan, on this same date exactly 10 years ago, My
Johor Stories went live. So March 11 in 2021, marks the 10-year anniversary
of My Johor Stories, the blog.
Thank you, all. Your reading keeps me writing. There are still many more stories to tell.
Happy 10th Anniversary My Johor Stories!
No comments:
Post a Comment