The
date, 17 January 2026, is a significant date to me as it marks exactly 10 years
since dad left us. I can recall as clear as if it happened yesterday, when dad
was feeling unwell on the morning of 14 January 2016.
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| Dad with his two older daughters, Ruby [Left] and Pearly in his arm |
That
morning dad was not feeling well so I made an appointment for him to consult
his doctor in the private hospital. As usual, mum and I accompanied him to the
clinic. Looking back at the events that unfolded, we are grateful that all this
happened – mercifully – while we were in the hospital.
Dad
was lucid when we left the doctor’s clinic after his consultation. With a good
rapport with this doctor, dad and the doctor often chatted about his health
condition.
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| Mum with Ruby [Standing] and Pearly in her arm, my sisters who were born in the Kota Tinggi Hospital, Johor |
As
we walked out of the clinic, dad reminded to ask the pharmacist for the name of
the medicine as he was familiar with a range of medicines. He used to dispense
medicine in the course of his work as a Hospital Assistant, when he was based
in the districts. This was probably the last thing dad said to me.
The
public restrooms were located along this corridor and when we neared the Men’s
Room, I asked dad if he needed to use the toilet. At age 93, dad needed to use
the toilet more often so I used to ask if he needed to go. He did not reply as
he probably did not need to go OR something had already happened to him.
Just
a few more steps and I noticed that dad was not lifting his walking stick but
it was being dragged along. We walked into the waiting area of the pharmacy
where rows of chairs were lined up for patients to sit while waiting to collect
their prescriptions.
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| Mum and dad with their three daughters in Istana Gardens, [Left to Right] Peggy, Pearly and Ruby |
We
had just come from the doctor’s clinic after a consultation so I asked to
please call the doctor over and he responded swiftly. Dad was moved to the
Emergency Room where the doctor examined him. I remember the doctor expressed
surprise and regret as he told us that dad has suffered an acute stroke which
caused him to cease all mobility including his ability to speak.
It
was my task to share this information with our mother, who was anxiously waiting
for the doctor’s comments. Then for me to inform my siblings. And to make a
decision on what to do next.
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| Dad with his three daughters [Left to Right] Ruby, Pearly and Peggy |
I
was the primary carer for both my parents, keeping their doctor’s appointments,
both in the private hospital and at the Government clinics, accompanying them
to these appointments as well as collecting their regular prescriptions.
Dad
had a career with the Health Department with postings to districts like the
Kota Tinggi Hospital, Health Dispensary in Gelang Patah and Health Sub-Centre
in Masai.
Both
our parents were based in Kota Tinggi for the first few years after they were
married and my older sisters were born there. My brother and I were born in
Johor Bahru, after they were transferred back here.
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| Dad with his daughters |
When
he finally retired from work, he was still active in sports, playing
table-tennis and pétanque with fellow seniors at the Senior Citizens Club.
He
was then 80 over years old and used to tell me that he could play table-tennis
with such agility that he managed to beat opponents who were half his age. He would
also drive himself to the Senior Citizens Club.
I
was aware of his advanced age and often reminded him to stay alert on the road,
warning him of the reckless drivers out there. No, I did not say that his
responses may be not as sharp and quick as before but blamed it on other
irresponsible drivers.
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| Playing dress-up in mum's old cheong sam; [Left to Right] Ruby, Kenneth, Pearly and Peggy |
Dad
was the one who gave me all the driving tips a young driver needed to know when
I first got my driving license. In those days of manual cars, there were skills
involved in balancing the clutch and accelerator, among other wisdoms which
automatic car drivers know nothing of.
But
even before learning to drive, dad taught me how to swim and to tread water, a
valuable skill for survival in water of any depth. This significant skill has
given me confidence to deal with bodies of water without any fear.
When
our parents were based in Masai for work, my siblings and I lived with our
grandparents to go to school more conveniently in Johor Bahru. [At that time,
there were no Secondary schools in Masai.]
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| Dad with his children, at Kampung Pasir Gudang, Johor |
Back
then, mum and dad would arrange for family holidays and we had road trips to
destinations like Ipoh and Cameron Highlands, by the old roads [because there
were no highways yet!] These were memorable trips because I was the one who
suffered from motion sickness and did not enjoy being car-sick on those long
and winding roads.
While
on these road trips, dad would be driving with mum seated in the front
passenger seat while his three daughters were on the back seat, me seated in
between my eldest and second sisters. To keep us awake (there was no car radio
for music!) dad would share some riddles and made us guess the answers.
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| Dad and his family visiting his brother's family in Ipoh |
I
distinctly remembered my conversations with dad and he said that in the event
“something happened” to him, to send him to the Government hospital.
Dad
had a humble beginning, growing up in a Home for children who were orphaned or
from destitute families, under the care of Mr & Mrs George Wilson,
missionaries from New Zealand.
All
he remembered was that his father sent him to Ms Sarah Shirtliff (a pioneer of
Bukit Bintang Girls School) in Kuala Lumpur and later, she placed him in the
care of Mr & Mrs Wilson (nee Elizabeth Dron) at Elim Gospel Hall, Ipoh.
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| Dad riding his BSA motorcycle with his brother as pillion |
Dad
was in healthcare so he was aware about the healthcare costs in private
hospitals and did not want us to spend much money on him in case he needed
long-term care. So he used to remind us not to admit him into private hospitals
as it would be costly.
While
dad did consult doctors in a private hospital for his ailments that required
specialists’ advice, he loathed to be admitted there. And a decision was made
to transfer dad from the private hospital to the Government hospital. Initially,
dad was placed in the Men’s ward – even though he was entitled to the First
Class ward – because he needed to be closely monitored due to his condition.
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| A family photo taken at grandfather's house during Chinese New Year |
The
next day, my brother and his wife took on the night duty in the hospital where
dad was transferred to the First Class ward. In the afternoon of 17 January 2016,
dad passed on peacefully, surrounded by family and friends. [Till we meet again, daddy]
Ten
full years have passed since dad left us. A great deal has happened since 2016
including the global pandemic and lockdown years. Dad would be pleased to know
that we are taking good care of mum. While she has grown frail, she still has her
own mobility by using a walker frame, and a good appetite to eat soft or
blended food.
Dad
would also be pleased to know that the My Johor Stories book, published
in 2017 as a tribute to his memory, went to the Number One spot in the MPH
Non-Fiction Bestsellers List and was counted among the Best of MPH in 2017.
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| Mum and dad while they were based in Masai for work with the Health Sub-Centre |
He
would also be happy to know that I have helped others to publish their own
books. In 2023, I had the privilege to help the Tan family publish a book for distribution
among their family members in memory of their father/grandfather.
Then
in 2024, I was part of the team who compiled the material and photographs to publish
a book that documented the history of our church in Johor Bahru. The story on Johor Bahru Gospel Chapel, where dad held the post of Treasurer for many years,
was published in, Milestones on our Journey of Faith, in 2025.
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| Mum and dad together in December 2010 |
This
Souvenir book with a tagline, Not just education, but a proud legacy, that
comprised personal recollections by alumni among other interesting memories, was
sold to raise funds for maintenance projects in the school building.
It
had indeed, been an eventful past 10 years, adjusting to dad’s absence, moving
to another house and adapting to a new environment with mum, who is aging day-by-day.
I’m
ever grateful for family support which enabled me to focus on my book projects
and gave me the freedom to continue to connect people through My Johor Stories.
As 2025 draws to a close, January 2026 is a good time to press the pause button and take a break to seek
fresh inspiration for the new year and beyond.
