Parents, teachers, young people and you

 

My thoughts are still on our alma mater as our school commemorates her 100-Year anniversary since its founding in 1925. I was also privileged to document my story on my own school experience published in, My Johor Stories 3: Proudly Johor, Then and Now, the final instalment that completed the trilogy of My Johor Stories.

 

My own school experience was published in 
My Johor Stories 3: Proudly Johor, Then and Now

But recent reports and discussions on the safety in schools, students’ delinquent behavior, suspected suicides and the role of parents and teachers, are a cause for serious concern as social media is swirling with opinions and comments.

 

Alumni in our all-girls school recollected experiences with the teachers and Sisters – who were very strict – and recalled how students were punished for various offences. While my schoolmates and I reminisced about our schooldays, a fair bit of these experiences – both good and bad – have been documented in our 100-Year Anniversary Souvenir Book.

 

This included wearing shorts under their skirts instead of petticoats. There were what was dubbed, Petticoat Raids, where teachers made spot checks to catch students who were guilty of such offences. While this appeared to be rather petty, we now know that this rule aimed to train girls to be more feminine and lady-like in their conduct, poise and posture.

 

Opened to the pages in Book Three that
document my story on school experiences

Teachers observed that girls who wore shorts under their (short!) skirts were careless with how they arranged their legs – often wide apart, described in a Malay phrase: duduk kang-kang – which was clearly unacceptable in any culture.

 

Looking back, we now know that such a rule helped girls to cultivate a more feminine habit which bodes well for young ladies as they went on to college/university or to work, where they will interact with a larger community of people.

 

When students did not do their homework or fared poorly in tests, they would have their test sheet or a piece of paper pinned to their backs, emblazoned with humiliating truths like: “I did not do my homework” or the results of that test, a shameful 0/10.

 

There was more. These students were made to stand on the stairs leading to the school tuck-shop or canteen during recess or break time, for everyone to see.

 

Such an embarrassing exercise aimed to teach students to take school work seriously and that homework or spelling tests helped to train students with a habit to focus on school subjects and gradually expand their knowledge and vocabulary.

 

Some students who failed to complete their homework would come to school, determined to seek out a trusted friend from whom they could copy from. It may be a difficult problem in Mathematics but the objective here was to pass up completed homework. Over time, students would eventually figure out the Mathematical formula used to arrive at the answer.

 

There was a time when parents made every effort to send their children to school for an education that they did not have. These parents acknowledged that an educated family member should lead to a rewarding career which does not involve physical labour and could earn a higher income and hopefully, a more comfortable life.  

 

Human stories that shine the light on a fisherman, rubber-tapper or single-mother whose son or daughter scored highly in major exams, always have a prominent place in the news. Our hearts are warmed and encouraged when we read the success stories of students’ achievements that are attributed to their parents’ sacrifices.

 

Back then, parents were always on the side of the teachers. If students were punished in school, they were fearful about letting their parents know. And if the parents should find out, they will get another punishment at home – often more severely than that in school – for bringing shame to the family.

 

At that time, parents respected teachers and principals who were considered an educated authority whom parents could depend on to help shape their children and guide them to grow into responsible young people.

 

Students were always encouraged to study with the aim to achieve good results at major examinations as school certificates were essential proofs of achievement that will give job applicants the advantage over others.

 

For students who were academically weak, there were Trade Schools where students were trained in industrial subjects like carpentry, plumbing, electrical and culinary skills, certified qualifications that will support applicants in seeking employment.

 

Parents-Teachers Day was always a stressful day when parents were invited to the school to meet with form teachers. In a brief chat, teachers would share the students’ school report on their academic performance and conduct in school.

 

For parents of star students, this was a proud day when they heard a positive and promising report about their child from the teacher. On the other hand, parents of below average students would dread this day as they have to bear the humiliation of hearing an embarrassing report on their under-performing child.

 

Having completed school and established careers, we can look back on the many teachers who inspired or challenged us, scolded or punished us, guided and taught us no only the basics in academic subjects but also being trained in taking on responsible roles in class, sports, clubs and societies.

 

Then when education became compulsory, students who were not keen on studying did not value the time spent in school. The numbers in each classroom were often close to 40 or 50 students and it was impossible for teachers to cope with so many.

 

The school system is so focused on academic results that students who may be talented but academically weak, are usually relegated to the ‘bottom’ or last class which often ends up as the most notorious class for various misdemeanors.

 

The social stigma of being in the last or lower classes give students a negative reputation so these youngsters often resort to all sorts of mischief to live up to such a name.

 

While the majority of present-day parents are educated, there are many parents who have to work full-time jobs to provide for their families. Some parents work two or more jobs or take on night-shifts to ensure that there was sufficient income to maintain a comfortable lifestyle for the family.

 

Very often, these parents cannot spare time to spend quality time with their children. So children are left under the care of grandparents, babysitters or domestic helpers, while moral guidance and discipline were usually left to school teachers.

 

With the introduction of electronic devices, some parents conveniently let the “screen” become their babysitters, while they too escape from their busy lives into their precious “me-times,” glued to their devices.

 

This habit-forming exercise has become quite the norm even for toddlers whose eyes are locked onto the “screen” during mealtimes so that the parents may enjoy their meal uninterrupted by the child’s tantrums, seeking the screen out of pure habit.

 

This habit was exacerbated when people were compelled to stay home to stay safe during the global pandemic and lockdown years. Everyone retreated into their own zone, locked-in with their devices and this, unfortunately, became the new normal.

 

When the economy reopened after more than two years of uncertainty, we had to adjust to going out to school, work and shopping for necessities. No more working-from-home, online meetings and classes, or online shopping and deliveries.

 

Students had to adjust to the routine of classroom lessons, homework, the teachers’ authority and discipline as well as separation from their mobile phones. After more than two years being away from school, some students have difficulty in accepting the change where they were again under the authority of the school’s rules and regulations.

 

While the school guides students in developing good habits like obeying rules and being civic minded in our multi-cultural community, all this is forgotten when they are outside the school.

 

In school, student throw rubbish into proper places like the dustbin or wastepaper basket but away from school, they observe adults throwing things indiscriminately or out of car windows. When adults drop them off to school or pick them from school, they drive in a rush, often beating multiple sets of traffic lights enroute.

 

Generally, the lack of discipline is more rampant in sub-urban schools where parents do not set a good example to their children. And children being children, just imitated what the adults do and not what they said.

 

The young people’s exposure to violence in real-life experiences, movies and computer games have normalized acts of violence to win and gain a hero’s reputation. So youngsters just imitated their idols and role models, thinking that it was all right to behave like them with their fellow students.

 

Teenagers in search of their individuality often fall prey to gang leaders who offer them a sense of identity and protection when they joined a gang. The once lonely and invisible youths gained strength in numbers when they moved along with their gang.

 

I observed that some schools have a banner hung at its front entrance with a message that translates into, “Thank You for coming to school.”

 

Absenteeism has become so rampant that now, schools are thanking students for coming to school. This situation is aggravated by the fact that teenagers who have become gang members, gained courage to defy authority and absent themselves from school to indulge in all kinds of mischief.

 

Some school principals send teachers out to students’ homes to urge them to come to school, at least to sit for major examinations. Whether they passed or not did not matter because the school only wanted to record the number of exam attendees to fulfill the Ministry’s requirement.

 

On the other hand, when parents witnessed teachers reprimanding students for breaking rules – and the student was their child – instead of seeking the facts of the matter and finding out why the student was being reprimanded, the parents recorded the incident on their mobile phone with the aim to report the teacher.

 

Such incidents threatened the teachers’ authority and leave them feeling defeated and demoralized. It was just not worth offending the parents who now wield the power to report or sue the teachers and school.

 

Recently there was talk about introducing the use of the cane in schools and banning the use of social media and mobile phones for young people. This reaction from the authorities was met with various opinions, including that of mental health experts who suggest that it may not be a solution but could lead to more problems.

 

It is about time to recognize that this is, in fact, a vicious circle. Reality hits hard when we can see how this sad situation has arisen from the lack of long-term views of the rot that happened in the community that involves parents, teachers, young people as well as you and me.

 

Parents must acknowledge that discipline and moral guidance cannot be left to the school but is the joint responsibility of both parents and teachers to shape the minds of young people. Responsible adults should lead by example, especially parents with their children. Show them by example and not just by instructions.

 

Statements like, Children of Today are the Leaders of Tomorrow, is not new. The current situation with our young people is of deep concern and the question for us is whether we are developing future generations of leaders or what?

 

Note: These real-life experiences have been garnered through conversations with teachers and counsellors in public schools, recently retired teachers, parents and grandparents as well as concerned educators.